Friday, January 27, 2012

Confessions

Ok so first off I wanna say that I am a little perturbed, I lost a follower today. I mean I know I haven't been blogging like I normally do, but come on really? I mean to just completely dislike me like that is so not cool. 

Anyways, I am going to be really honest with y'all tonight well by the time y'all read this it will be tomorrow. Any who, I am having a really bad day and I am going to let you in on a little secret, its about me. After reading Nicole's post today I feel I need to be transparent with y'all about this crazy life i'm living. I like Nicole have been a good little girl my whole life and I am feeling the effects of it more than ever this week. 

I had dinner with my bestie tonight, she is absolutely one of my best friends and I have known her literally my entire life and well she knows me well. Anyways, we haven't seen each other in forever because she is a school teacher and i'm a nurse and she's married and i'm terminally single. Well we finally made it tonight and I basically bared my soul to her and I haven't done that with anyone in forever! 

I like Nicole have made it a point to make everyone think that I am ok, well newsflash i'm not and I don't know what to do about it. I finally came clean to my bestie and she made me feel about the same really, I felt better for getting it out but I also didn't feel better. She is going through a lot also and neither one of us could fix any of it. Our lives are spiraling out of control and we can't fix it. Mine is terminal singleness and loneliness and her's is boring life and adult worries and a few others. 

I dont really know where i'm going with this post but I just needed to get it out there. I am not always alright and I am the girl who puts on the fake smile and tells everyone that I am ok. Well from now on I am going to work on it. I have run off my friends with this kind of acting and from now on I am going to be honest about how I am doing, but not too honest all the time. 

So I am so sorry about all my ramblings on, but this is my blog so I just had to put it out there how I am feeling and hopefully tomorrow when I go work a 12 hr shift I will feel better about life. Again sorry about the ramblings and if it doesn't make sense which i'm sure ti doesn't


1 comment:

Renee said...

I'm sorry you feel so lonely honey! There's nothing I can really say in order to make this any better. On another note I wouldn't be concerned with the loss of one follower. Followers are great and it's nice to know that someone is actually out there reading but at times there are more important things than blogging. You need to blog for yourself. As a creative outlet of sorts and if someone reads and comments great. And if not then oh well.. You'll find your swagger soon enough!

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