Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Getting Deep

Ok people were getting deep over here today at life as a candy cane! 

I don't generally discuss issues on here that are deep or what not, because I like to keep it light and fun on here. But I know the last few posts have been kinda depressing, so I am plunging head long into something that has been on my heart for a while now. 

I'm a southern gal, who loves the Lord with all heart and her family, but lately thats not enough. I feel like I have this hole in my heart and no matter what I do I cannot fill it. So the backstory to this goes a little something like this, I have been in the same church just about my entire life and have absolutely loved it! I was always very involved with the children's church, then the youth. I did drama, praise team, choir, dance and was on the leadership board. I was always doing something and was always with my friends doing it in a good, wholesome environment. So when I graduated high school and went to college I became a drama leader with the youth and became a youth sponsor and absolutely loved it! Well about 2 years ago that all changed. My pastor retired and his son took over and everything changed, my life was forever impacted and I felt completely lost. 

So we decided to move on to another church, as I am the only child living at home and am a little shy of being on my own, I went with my parents to our new church. This has been a nice move and we enjoy it, but its not the same. A lot of our old congregation has moved on to our new church as well, but its still kinda weird. There are a lot of older ppl and not many my age. I have a few friends who go there, but there all married and some have kids already, while i'm single and have no kids, so I don't really fit in. I have considered going back to my old church but dunno what to do.

So, now we haven't been to church in several weeks, with all the holidays, being sick, being out of town and just not going. Which is very odd, because growing up we always went and now even my dad hasn't been going. I feel lost and without a home now, I feel like I don't belong to my old church anymore or the new one. My relationship with the Lord is suffering for it as well. I am unsure of what to do about it though, I don't where to go now. I have always had this amazing church family and friends and now i'm stuck with no one and I don't know how to cope. 

I am not sure why I am writing about this but I felt I needed to for somebody. I do not claim to have it all together, but I felt like I use to and now i'm essentially alone. That is why I wrote my post on being lonely the other day and I think a lot of these feelings stem from this. I bought a new devotional for the year and have just started on it and it seems to be helping me out a lot, I encourage you to read and do devotionals in the morning to get your day started off right! 

So music is like medicine to my soul as is reading, so lately I have really been pouring my head full of christian music and today I came across a couple of songs I want to share with y'all! I listened to them and all of my negative feelings and loneliness seem to just subside and I remember that my God is always with me no matter what church I go to, no matter how lonely I am in this life, no matter how much I struggle, and no matter how many times I need to be encouraged and have his arms wrapped around me. I have many revelations when I just sit still and listen for Him in the little things of life. Right now I am sitting on the couch, listening to music, with the tv off and no distractions and I feel immense peace and contentment.

I'm not really sure what the meaning of this post is, but I just felt the need to put it out there and let whoever may read this that you are not alone and never will be because there is a God that loves you more than you know and wants a relationship with you. He will be that friend that you need when no one else is around, that hug that no one else can possibly give, that all consuming peace that nothing in this world will ever give you! I am here if you any of you ever need me and I mean that with all my heart! 

Now I leave you with some videos of my favorite songs!

Meredith Andrews - Your Not Alone

Britt Nicole - Walk on the Water

Sidewalk Prophets - The Words I Would Say

Skillet - Hero

  Ok thats enough for now because I know this is super long, buts that ok because it's my blog and I wanted to write it! I love y'all very much and hope that if your day is looking down that this will cheer you up!

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